Do you think Walt is going to come back in the finale of Lost? You remember him, Michael’s little boy? And if he does, do you think it will be all awkward because he’s grown up, kind of like the first time you saw Haley Joel Osment from the Sixth Sense when he was in his early 20s? You wanted him to be a little kid saying, “I see dead people,” but he wasn’t. He was a young man saying things like, “I see light beer” and that’s just not right.
But if he doesn’t come back, if there’s no return of Walt, what’s going to happen? I hope it’s not a musical. If Lost ends the series with some sort of Glee-inspired musical bit with Benjamin Linus singing, “I gotta be meeeeaannnn,” I am going to be so disappointed in JJ Abrams. Besides, I don’t see the smoke monster singing, he seems more like a rapper to me.
Can’t you see him rolling up on Richard and saying, “Don’t call it a comeback,” or “Last name ever, first name greatest, like a sprained ankle boy I ain’t nothing to play with.
And speaking of the smoke monster, the only way I’d ever watch V is if the smoke monster gets a cameo. (If Christians invited people to church with the intensity that ABC invited me to watch V, every church would be jam packed with visitors.) Seriously though, give the smoke monster a mustache and throw him on V. You can make him a gruff cop named “Frank Smokey” and his partner is a polar bear whose brother was murdered on an island by a guy named Sawyer. Or like the Onion site suggested, give him his own show. Either way.
I have another idea, two words: “Justin Bieber.” What if this whole thing has something to do with Justin Bieber? Maybe inside the hole in the ground, the light is just bling from Bieber’s mentor, Usher. Maybe Nicki Minaj controls the smoke monster. And be honest, have you ever seen Justin Bieber and Jesse McCartney in the same place at the same time? Me either. Maybe they’re both boy band superstars in parallel worlds. Whoa, I just blew my mind.
I bet in the final scene, Jack Bauer lands on the island and judo chops the smoke monster to death. And then Airwolf comes and rescues everyone except Jack who ends up staying on the island with Brooke Shields. I don’t care what happens as long as Lost doesn’t inexplicably add two attractive people who have never been seen but are suddenly the focus of the entire episode and get bit by spiders. I will take a Benjamin Linus vine swinging musical over that.
What’s that you say? What are my thoughts about the second coming of Christ? Hmmm, yeah that’s going to happen. Going to be awesome.
But seriously, do you think they’ll do a Beatles type mythology with Desmond being John Lennon and Jack being Paul McCartney? Wait, two McCartneys in the same post? I see a pattern.
I think I know how Lost is going to end.